December 27, 1999. I was swimming with a friend in the afternoon when I noticed little red spots on my forearms. Having noticed also that there were many bruises on my limbs lately, I went to see my General Practitioner. In the evening, I was admitted to Singapore General Hospital for a blood test. Then I was told to stay for observation in case it was dengue fever. At 9pm, I was told I had acute myeloid leukemia.

It was like a death sentence was pronounced on me. I just could not understand it. Why did it happen, how it could have happened, what went wrong, when it happened ... a million thoughts and questions ran through my head.

I could not sleep that night. I laid in that hospital bed watching the clock tick from 11pm - 4am, thinking those were probably the most awful hours of my life, and perhaps the most sober ones. I thought of scenarios of my death and thought of where I would be after, and if I really knew as much as I thought I did.

7am in the morning, nurses barged into the room to pull the curtains open and woke us up for breakfast before the doctors made their rounds. It was a strange feeling. Like I was in jail or something. I could see that I had a routine to follow now. It felt like my life was condemned to mean nothing.

The first few days went by in this fashion. Things just happened, drugs were administered, people in white cloaks came with forms and stethoscopes, making comments to each other which none of my worried relatives could understand. Friends came by and stood by my side, some stood at a side not knowing what to say while others laughed with me as we decided what I would do to make a fashion statement when the hair came off. People came and went, but the panic remained. It stayed like a reverberating gong sounding my doom in the depths of my mind.

I slept in a ward for 4 patients. Next to my bed was an elderly lady. Early one morning, she woke up and told me, "Don't be afraid. You pray and ask God to forgive your sins. And He will heal you." My thoughts ran, "So it's my fault now? What sins have I committed that warrant such a judgement on me?"

2 nights later, my boyfriend prayed and released a word for me. It went straight to my heart. God desires obedience more than sacrifice.

It struck me then that I had lived like a self-made martyr. Thinking that all I did was for the kingdom of God, that He would surely preserve me for all that I had done. But I don't think I realised that I had been so absorbed in the things I did that I forgot who He was in my life and where He stood. In running after the calling, I forgot who called me.

After that night, my life turned around. I went through the treatments and struggled through a 6 month period of chemotherapy and a lot of unlearning. But God was near and He brought miracles after miracles.

So here I am, alive and well to share my testimony. To God be the glory.